My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
