he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
