dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
