she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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