Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
