A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
