Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
