his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
