and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
