Three words: puerto rican gang bang
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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