i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
of course. lets lasso hookers.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
