Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You can't special order awesome
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
