Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
