..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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