goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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