i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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