Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
