I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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