you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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