mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
