Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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