She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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