Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
