Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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