Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
