just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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