Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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