I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
