i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
