Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
