i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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