to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
