In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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