i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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