I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
