My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
