It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
