remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
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