I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
