FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
