so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just saw a hot homeless man
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
