So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
