so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
