Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
