we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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