you guys were way drunker than both of me
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
