I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
