I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
