My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
