DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
