I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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