Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
