I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
