distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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