And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
