we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
