i will never coherently bang her
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
