Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
