Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
