I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
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They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
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And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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